Who cares what color the damn walls are! (from May 09 before Joes surgery)

Sigh… tonight comes with such….hesitancy. We are all silently nervous… vocally frustrated…emotions all mixed up and muddled. DO we cry? How do we remain positive? Is it ok to still smile? What a mess….even now, as all my chores lie undone…I feel nothing but OH CRAP…And to add to it all.. we get a certified letter from Codys school that if we don’t provide proof of his TDAP and Meningococcal shots.. he cant go back to school Monday. The SAME shots he had before he started the new school. The SAME shots I had proof of faxed over before school started in Sept. And that note is even in his file. Where it was faxed, what number, to whom and what day. Yet here we are… the WORST WEEK EVER for me to be running like chicken with my head cut off… and its got to get done TODAY.. because its not gonna happen Wed. Thur or Fri…Cody is in a panic because its his nature to panic. So… here I sit… waiting for Charlies bus and counting down the 20 mins the secretary told me to wait. I feel so anxious. The gloomy dreary rainy day, so apropos. Im sitting here… thinking.. whats next? Then I slap myself and say DON’T SAY THAT! CHRISTMAS, WOMAN! DON’T SAY THAT! Lol I keep staring at one toe.. the white from the French pedicure I gave myself is a little nicked and annoying me. Im sunburnt and itchy… my hair keeps getting stuck in my glasses..Im stuck with milk for my coffee.. but I guess after 27 cups, it really dosent matter. My heart is ready to jump out and unplug my coffee maker. And I find myself thinking… wow.. time flies.. while your worrying about the nicked French tip, the stupid shot form, the rouge hairs that drift despite my pink Yankees cap. While all these things happen… time passes… time you cant get back. For the last few weeks.. I painted.. like a psychotic person… every damn day. I was like.. Its gotta look nice.. hes gonna be stuck home.. recovering.. and I don’t want him thinking.. what a mess..lol.. yeah… like painting was really gonna help THAT. Please.. 8 kids… 5 dogs… a rabbit..a poor fish in his green jello. I could paint, spackle, redo floors for an infinity.. and the house will always be a mess.. And I for one have wasted too much time and energy stressing over it. I am a confessed slob.. a train wreck… a complete and utter tsunami of chaos. Like PigPen from the Peanuts… the dust cloud surrounds me. Add 8 kids more like me then anything into the mix, and there is no Farmers Almanac that can prepare you for the storm a brewin’ here. And put us all in a stressful situation… FORGET IT! So, in an attempt to please Joe and to distract myself… I threw myself into a spring clean up of biblical proportions… Almost 30, 55gal bags of clothes, shoes, sheets, towels, etc. that were packed and donated. New paint.. new landing carpet.. (still as of yet to be installed, but its propping my feet up nicely right now!) new tile hall…back deck all decked out in herbs Ive sprouted from seed… sun flowers that I have planted no less then 4 times at 40 seeds a pop that my Rambo-esque insane possessed squirrels rape and pillage despite all my squirrel avoidance contraptions. Hanging candles, fire pit, strawberries! All this time and effort into preparing.. and now… that the time is here…. Im thinking … its all looks nice. If you can see past the dust on the 20 pictures on my front hall wall,three skateboards in the hall, the 17 hundred scattered flip flops all over, the legos and Bakugons and books on the couch,empty hot cocoa mug on my mantle, TJs Monster cans displayed on his tv, 8.5 million cotton ball particles that the dogs have scattered thru my house because Tyler Lee left the bag on the floor in her room. You have to look past the life going on around to see the work I did. When all your supposed to do.. really is notice the life going on around you. Not what color the walls are.. or what kind of flooring…or what kind of light switch there is. Ignore the décor… and what I see is a slew of pictures of some very happy people! I see that I now I have three kids old enough to skateboard. I have kids that are reading on the couch at night sipping hot cocoa in my reading chair. My girls are old enough to do their own nail polish. Life is going on… regardless of my wall color.. time is passing, fast… whether it’s a mess or not…I should worry more about whats going on inside my house.. not what the inside of my house looks like….So… I am admitting here.. right now.. I was wrong.. a fresh coat of paint does freshen things up.. but… its not what makes my life more complete… its watchgin Ryan learn skate tricks from Josh.. Its watching Joe-Joe tell the boys that girlfriends are HIGHLY overrated, its watching Tyler Lee show the little girls how to file their nails properly. Eating brownies that Cody and Tyler Lee made with the little kids so daddy and I could talk alone without being harassed by small whiney children. Yes, its has changed. The flip flops have gotten a lot bigger. The meals I cook have too…Clothing stores have evolved from Baby Gap to Hollister and American Eagle. Playinig football with them now causes pain, not giggles and tickle piles in the grass… And no matter what color my living room is… its gonna keep going on and on and on.. Tomorrow may bring me to an entirely new crossroads in my life.. Things may change drastically.. they may only change temporarily.. who knows.. but.. my bedroom, despite its new Morning Fog color.. will still be filled with I LOVE YOU notes from Kasey Mae, laundry from everyone, books I keep trying to read and AA batteries hidden for Joes remote. Tomorrow… my life will go on… my husband will be minus a thyroid and some cancerous tumors, my dogs will chew a toy under my bed that I will have to climb under and clean up, Charlie will search out Joes protein bars and eat them all, Kasey and Tyler will fight, TJs hair will continue to grow despite my threats of a midnight head shave. All this things will go on.. and no one will notice what color the walls are when they do.Blessings to you all… much love-Heather