7th Circle of Hell with Cartoon Characters

um..last post ..JULY!? yep..thats right.. JULY! I know, i know... that was one hell of a potty break. Well.. my apologies.. Apparently my gallblader and stomach lining did not feel like making nicy nice with me and went on a revolt. After a week in the hospital in August, i was on an 8 week mission to heal my ulcers and break my misbehaving gallbladder like a Wild Pony. So..count.. End of August.. add 8 weeks and that brings us to......November and Decemner. OMG....Thats right! its the holidays again and what does that mean for us Monicas? CHAOS! DRAMA! TEARS AND ANXIETY!!! Next week, we will explore the realm of transcendental meditation just to get a break for FIVE FREAKIN MINUTES! But first , I digress, go back to August when I ended up in the hospital with a plethora of bleeding ulcers and a sludgy gall bladder. Well.. word on the street is that I had some weird bile duct syndrome and the flaps on the bile ducts valves weren't listening when my brain would scream "OPEN THE FLOOD GATE!!!SEND IN THE BILE! DIGEST THAT FOOD!" So my gallbladder would swell up with bile and hurt like a mother father. While in the hospital my GB was functioning at a mere 23%..anything below 35% and they deem it "organa non grata" and banish it to the nearest medical incinerator. BUT..since I had a bounty of ulcers, that could have been contributing to the failure they gave me 8 weeks to heal up and get my bile ducts in order..Well, 8 weeks came and went...and after a scope that showed I was healed from the ulcers I had a Nuclear Function Study of my purdy lil gallbladder and dangfalbbit it seems I'm STILL no good at tests. The shot me with a chemical that made my brain think I was eating greasy, fatty food, like Wendy's or McDonald's.Then I got the nuclear stuff that made my gallbladder show up.. well it was SUPPOSED to show up...It almost didn't!And I don't mean stage fright. It was functioning so slowly they almost thought they did not give my the right radioactive toxic waste in my veins. Then in the last 10 mins, there it was.. and OMG.. it was swollen...it was UGLY.. IT WAS KILLING ME! I said dang!!.. if I knew it was gonna hurt so much I would have just eaten the Wendy's fries and burger.. whatta jypp! All the pain, none of the pleasure.The next day the news came in. 16% functionality. Oh snap! When I fail .. I fail BIG TIME! So...where does that lead us? ::insert dramatic crescendo:: dun dun daaaaaaaa!!!!! SURGERY!!!!! Well.. no big thang. Gallbladder surgery these days are day stay! Wham bam, thank you ma'am! ha... riiiight.... I saw your eyebrows raise. Your thinking the same thing i was. "me? easy? day stay? uncomplicated? ppffftttttt...." Now... in the interim, the last few months i had an ovarian cyst that got a little unruly. The ultra sound showed a hemorrhagic cyst that was leaking fluid into my belly. I looked about 9 months pregnant. and was in constant pain. That coupled with the gall bladder and ulcers made for a very cranky mommy. Very. But since these things come and go, and considering the abuse my girly parts have taken, the presence of a cyst was not a suprise to anyone. After scheduling the surgery, I had a follow up ultrasound for the cyst. I complained it was getting bigger..not smaller..and to appease me, they said they would look again. Usually with the "natural cycle" these things diminish and reabsorb...ahem..usually.... SO.. I get the US and the tech instantly says HOLY CRAP! Yeah..that's what I thought... diminished my butt... It was GINORMOUS! So.. I get shuffled down hall to see the Dr. and I tell her "oh, by the way, on Tuesday I'm having an abdominal laproscopy to remove my gallbladder" She said..cool! we can take the cyst and probably the ovary because THIS isn't supposed to happen..these cysts should get smaller eventually not continue to grow insanely like this... yeah yeah..whatever... just get rid of it please. Calls were made, approvals granted and that's right! I get a BOGO surgery! buy one , get one) During all this time I was constantly reminding the Dr's that I was full of adhesions from 8 pregnancies, endometriosis and a hysterectomy. The surgeon said it was possible this surgery would be a lil more complicated..but still a piece of cake nonetheless....It was a piece of somethign all right.. and it sure wasent cake. And here is were i will take my break ... I'm home with a brutal sinus infection and fever and I need a nap. I will continue this story later! Happy Nappy, kids!