Why drinking in the morning should be socially acceptable for people like me…..ok, just me.

Its fairly well known around this house that Mom can, at times, have a “potty mouth”. Yes, Mom meaning me. I know..I know… ::gasp:: Heather! such language! Well.. there is one thing I know for sure…. God never sent anyone to hell for cussin’. So the situation this morning that made this post possible kinda took me off guard initially when it happened.

Set the stage:: Its about oh, I’d say, 8:45 in the morning. I am standing in the downstairs bathroom doing Kasey Mae’s hair. and if you have ever seen Kasey Mae get her hair brushed then you know that is wasn't going down too smoothly.  Enter Ryan from the hallway.. wound like a top and not even remotely ready for school. I am directing him to A.) pack his lunch, B.) get his socks and shoes on and C.) go brush his teeth. Well, as mentioned in a recent Facebook post.. it seems what I think are simple requests, are actually children's code for some horrific, brutal, cataclysmic torture that causes the child the request is directed at, to temporarily loose their mind and go insane. For Ryan, this temporary insanity expressed itself as an absolute REFUSAL to go brush his teeth. Because, he is under the impression that he is the ONLY child I have that I demand this brutal practice of. Not 12 hours prior to this argument, did I have the exact SAME discussion upstairs in my bedroom. And again, as I told him the night before, I explained to him that he never sees me yelling at the other kids to brush their teeth because they either brush them without me having to tell them, or they go brush them as soon as i gently remind them the first time… not the 500th. Mind you, I am still trying to put Kasey's hair into pigtails and apparently every hair in her head contains about 650,000 pain receptors as she is grunting and squeaking like a hamster stuck in a running dryer. And as the argument with Ryan escalates, I admit, I just MIGHT have been getting a little rough with the comb and ponytail holders. So, Ryan keeps at me, Kasey is crying and somewhere in the distance I hear my last nerve snap like the pony holder I just broke in Kasey's hair.So, finally… I just yell… “SON OF A BITCH! JUST GO THE HELL UPSTAIRS AND BRUSH YOUR GOD DAMN TEETH! NOW!!!!!!!”

Well, I guess it was then that Ryan's last nerve snapped… and he SCREAMS back at me… “ IM CALLING THE POLICE!!!!! CHILD ABUSER!!!!!!”

Um… ::blink::      WHAT??????

Yeah, I'm pretty sure the look on Kasey's face was ALMOST as shocked as mine. But since by now she was doubled over in pain because I just yanked half of one of her very lopsided pigtails out of her head in a knee-jerk response to Ryan's outburst, I could no longer see her face in the bathroom mirror. I'm just betting it was a pretty good “OMG Ryan is SOOOOOOOOO dead” face. With possibly even a few tears thrown in for added drama.

I ask… ok.. I don't ask.. I YELL “WHAT???”

He says to me “ I'm going to call the POLICE , because your CURSING at your CHILD!!!”

And I actually started to laugh. “Oh REALLY? You want to call the police….because I cursed at you? Well … let me save them the trip… I will actually TAKE you to the police station, where  you can then file the complaint in person. OK?”

He shouts back “YEAH! That is a good idea! “

By now, Kasey has ran to get everyone else in the house who just might happen to have NOT heard Ryan go batshit, so they can all witness together, what just may be Ryan's last words on this planet as a child who doesn't walk with a permanent limp.

“Fine Ryan, I’ll take you.. but before we go, you need to go get your socks and shoes on…and go upstairs and BRUSH YOUR F*&%ING TEETH!”

And he did….

and I drove him…

RIGHT TO SCHOOL!

So, yeah…. I have a potty mouth sometimes.. but I swear.. ITS ALL THEIR FAULT!!!!

how can such a sweet face cause me such grief???

Live long, love much and laugh…. OFTEN!

<3

Its a Jersey Thing…. whatever the heck THAT means…..

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The summer is over… and yes, all the tourists are gone. And now is where the REAL folks from the Jersey Shore start to come out to play. We do not require massive amounts of alcohol to enjoy our beach. nor do we require deep fried “what ever you can find and shove in the fryer” as part of our Nutritional Pyramid. The real Jersey Shore folks are a timid bunch. We quietly stroll the beaches, smiling and nodding to each other, walking our dogs (you know a local, because they actually pick up their dogs crap) and truly enjoying the gorgeous landscape that stretches out before us. The gift of the what seems to be infinite ocean and its never ending rush of waves that pour out across the sand like a salty, bubbly seltzer. Friends power walk and discuss the most recent scandal hitting the local school board, seniors sit on benches and talk about who cheated at last weeks bingo or how much they had to pay to get their car fixed, AGAIN! And me, I walk silently with my earphones tucked in just one ear so I get the beauty of the music on my iPod AND the beauty of the music God gave me from the seagulls, rustling sedges and the crushing waves mere feet from where i stroll. In my hands I hold my camera… my constant. I resigned myself this particular day to NOT take pictures of my usual, unusual stuff… I thought about all the pictures i saw cheaply displayed on my television this summer. The glimpses of my beach that TMZ spread like honey across the internet. And I though… no one gets to see MY Seaside…. My boardwalk is just as awesome a site without the flashing lights,the cacophony of the of sun burnt, sleep deprived, over fed vacationers, the din of hundreds of teenagers making minimum wage, trying to lure oblivious visitors to play their game where “even if you loose you will win” because they will give you a prize no matter what! (suckers- give me a buck, I’ll give you the lint out of my pocket and have Charlie tell you a nock-nock joke, a far better prize then the pathetic stuffed animal the size of your appendix they give you as your prize, go ahead…Google how big an appendix is… its TINY and useless!). You don't have to see the orange haze of self tan spray that is the cast of The Jersey Shore approaching to know that something really awesome is just ahead of you. Yes, we ALL know that nothing says SUMMER like the sounds, tastes and smells of the boardwalk. But we Jersey Shore folks are not to be measured as a whole based on a few weeks of drinking and debauchery glamorized on a reality show that is ANYTHING but realistic. I was born in NJ… so was my husband. We, as a couple make the perfect storm of what NJ is.. Irish (me) and Italian (he)… (and now you understand why our kids are so dang gorgeous) We like Bruce, we like Bon Jovi..but I have NEVER worn animal print and not once has Joe ever announced to me that it was GTL time…. (I'm not all that sure that Joe even knows what the heck GTL even IS!) Neither one of us have ever gone “clubbing” and that whole “Its a Jersey thing!” is lost on us. We ARE Jersey…and have NO CLUE what it means…

SO, back to my pictures. I figured I would show you what the Jersey Shore looks like when all the hoopla and foolishness are packed up and long gone. because when the cameras stop filming and the lights go out, when the Frog Bog is closed and the Khors Soft Serve Custard doors are rolled down for the last time till next summer, we are still here…. We don't creep around in our deserted town like Gollum looking for his precious. In fact its almost like then end of the movie 2012 and all the people gather by the metal doors, All waiting for the gates to open up to the sunshine and fresh air of the new world that awaits them. Us locals, after months of being holed up at home because the traffic is brutal, beaches are packed ass to elbow and the restaurants are filled with loud obnoxious and usually drunk travelers, we take the first chance we get to head back out to “the boards” and enjoy the view. And what a view it is.

So don't believe everything you see on tv. Because sometimes the glamorized image isn't all that glamorous. Sometimes, when you pull back all the bling and spandex, wipe off all that mascera and self tan, things actually look better. Sure its fun… but that's what we have Halloween for. The rest of us Jersey folk know that the true Jersey is more about working hard, raising a family and enjoying your community. Which I do! IMMENSELY!

 

Live, love and laugh, kids…. it really makes a difference… <3

(oh, by the way, GTL means gym-tan-laundry…hahaha)