Its fairly well known around this house that Mom can, at times, have a “potty mouth”. Yes, Mom meaning me. I know..I know… ::gasp:: Heather! such language! Well.. there is one thing I know for sure…. God never sent anyone to hell for cussin’. So the situation this morning that made this post possible kinda took me off guard initially when it happened.
Set the stage:: Its about oh, I’d say, 8:45 in the morning. I am standing in the downstairs bathroom doing Kasey Mae’s hair. and if you have ever seen Kasey Mae get her hair brushed then you know that is wasn't going down too smoothly. Enter Ryan from the hallway.. wound like a top and not even remotely ready for school. I am directing him to A.) pack his lunch, B.) get his socks and shoes on and C.) go brush his teeth. Well, as mentioned in a recent Facebook post.. it seems what I think are simple requests, are actually children's code for some horrific, brutal, cataclysmic torture that causes the child the request is directed at, to temporarily loose their mind and go insane. For Ryan, this temporary insanity expressed itself as an absolute REFUSAL to go brush his teeth. Because, he is under the impression that he is the ONLY child I have that I demand this brutal practice of. Not 12 hours prior to this argument, did I have the exact SAME discussion upstairs in my bedroom. And again, as I told him the night before, I explained to him that he never sees me yelling at the other kids to brush their teeth because they either brush them without me having to tell them, or they go brush them as soon as i gently remind them the first time… not the 500th. Mind you, I am still trying to put Kasey's hair into pigtails and apparently every hair in her head contains about 650,000 pain receptors as she is grunting and squeaking like a hamster stuck in a running dryer. And as the argument with Ryan escalates, I admit, I just MIGHT have been getting a little rough with the comb and ponytail holders. So, Ryan keeps at me, Kasey is crying and somewhere in the distance I hear my last nerve snap like the pony holder I just broke in Kasey's hair.So, finally… I just yell… “SON OF A BITCH! JUST GO THE HELL UPSTAIRS AND BRUSH YOUR GOD DAMN TEETH! NOW!!!!!!!”
Well, I guess it was then that Ryan's last nerve snapped… and he SCREAMS back at me… “ IM CALLING THE POLICE!!!!! CHILD ABUSER!!!!!!”
Um… ::blink:: WHAT??????
Yeah, I'm pretty sure the look on Kasey's face was ALMOST as shocked as mine. But since by now she was doubled over in pain because I just yanked half of one of her very lopsided pigtails out of her head in a knee-jerk response to Ryan's outburst, I could no longer see her face in the bathroom mirror. I'm just betting it was a pretty good “OMG Ryan is SOOOOOOOOO dead” face. With possibly even a few tears thrown in for added drama.
I ask… ok.. I don't ask.. I YELL “WHAT???”
He says to me “ I'm going to call the POLICE , because your CURSING at your CHILD!!!”
And I actually started to laugh. “Oh REALLY? You want to call the police….because I cursed at you? Well … let me save them the trip… I will actually TAKE you to the police station, where you can then file the complaint in person. OK?”
He shouts back “YEAH! That is a good idea! “
By now, Kasey has ran to get everyone else in the house who just might happen to have NOT heard Ryan go batshit, so they can all witness together, what just may be Ryan's last words on this planet as a child who doesn't walk with a permanent limp.
“Fine Ryan, I’ll take you.. but before we go, you need to go get your socks and shoes on…and go upstairs and BRUSH YOUR F*&%ING TEETH!”
And he did….
and I drove him…
RIGHT TO SCHOOL!
So, yeah…. I have a potty mouth sometimes.. but I swear.. ITS ALL THEIR FAULT!!!!
Live long, love much and laugh…. OFTEN!
<3
LOL, I almost peed my pants reading this! Heather, you are a gem...God knew what He was doing when He made you, and put you on this crazy journey. Thanks for the laughs, they are def good for my soul!!!
ReplyDeleteTina B.